Pizza again, everything is shut!
17th August 2007
Doom & gloom, we got up with high spirits with exploring the city in mind, we took the computer so that we could check for e mails & post my blog at the closed restaurant with wi fi, felt like a vagrant sitting there getting a freebie connection.
Off to the old part of town to see the Cathedral & Chateaux, lets start with thecathedral, some pompous jobs worth was on us like a fly, you can’t bring your dog (Sammy) in here, bearing in mind that Sammy is a regular church goer & active fund raiser। Mary Ann without a E pointed out that we were all Gods creatures, they even had a Nativity display crawling with animals। Anyway we left the sanctimonious assholes arranging ठ flowers & getting into Gods good book।
On to the Chateaux, “no dogs” said another jobs worth with a secret service ear piece, well fuck your shitty castle then. We decided to do a little shopping, forget it, we didn’t see a shop to start with let alone one that was open, not even a SPAR, the only places open were ethnic places which is fine if you want a kebab at 10.39 am, so to sum it up, like CAHORS on the last trip just forget it, only the French could effectively close down a city with a tourist information centre down for Summer during the peak season.
Oh well we’ll have a walk around the botanical gardens, it was really a municipal garden well stocked with interesting bedding plants like pansies, they had the cheek to clearly label them like they would at HM Wisley Gardens, I bent down to read one of the pompous signs, “Oh its a geranium Mary Ann!”, it was all too much।
So we went to the French war memorial, you know where this is going don’t ya? They have a lot of these memorials, for all the wars that they’ve lost or run away from. This is country where Napoleon who was personally responsible for the deaths of millions for no real reason other than an ego trip is a hero. They lost a fair amount during the first world war to be fair but I just had to laugh about 1939 – 1945 section, there were about seven names on the roll of honour & they were no doubt killed in a freak tram accident. Anyway Nantes for Nonce’s, up ya bum,we won’t be back.
We are at the finishing post, we have to clean the boat & will spend the night on board, we have the car back so maybe I can drive somewhere for some tasty food tonight। Tomorrow we’ll be, hopefully, able to have a decent shower & a comfortable poo। As I write this we have a gang of “can break a mans arm” swans floating around outside the door hissing at Sam, MA wants a piccie of her feeding them, better look after my arms।
18th August 2007
Truly happy at last! No I haven’t met a Swedish or Thai live-in help, can’t spell aupair. We arrived in another "godforsakenvillagefromhellwithfuckalltodo", but its not, its wild, like Scotland, not only a real village nicely laid out without a trendy local Mayor with traffic calming systems from the Blair Socialist Daily Post. This is the “mutts nuts”, nicely laid out local stalls full of local produce, a butcher, a baker blah etc. Two 4 star hotels, a Donegals oirish bar with Beamish, count me in lads, restaurants & a tidal river, its pissing with rain but who cares? I love it like I love Scotterlandia, if it’s raining some how it doesn’t seem to piss you off coz of its shear moodiness. This is a trendy “log cabin”, the woman must be an interior designer, its all drift wood & shells, spacious (2) bathrooms, walk in double shower, well equipped kitchen, three gorgeous bedrooms, a Flat screen TV with DVD player, TENNIS F~~~~~~ing court!!! Its clay though & I’m strictly a grass man. A canoe, a boat with an engine, a windsurfer for advanced windsurfers, lucky that, I’d have been well pissed off it had of been for novices, I’d have had to have complained.
I’m on the laptop looking out at a vast tidal river, I’ve seen just one water skier. I can’t see one single house, just a bridge in the distance carrying the sad commuting classes of this world, its about 2 miles away & even though we can’t hear it will be an added attraction when the sun goes down and we are looking at the tail lights through the evening sea mist. It must be a mile wide at this point of the river. Does anyone know how to read tidal charts? I’m going out but I want to come back, answers on a postcard to .....
The gaff is in twelve, yes twelve acres of forest, fruit trees & garden with enough timber decking to keep what’s his name Titmarsh happy.
Tonight MA is having a Dorada, that’s a Guilt headed Bream to you lot unless you’re Spanish or a Frog or live in Spain, I decided to make a hellishly hot Chilli con carne, so hot it’s gonna hurt, we will both be having this with chips tonight. One little thing that has been looked over is that although the fridge is enormous it doesn’t have a freezing top compartment, so no vodka & grapefruit then. Can’t have it all.
MA who was depressed a moment ago has just returned from a walk along the river bank with the dirty shitting dogs, she has just shown me some oyster shells & seaweed that she has collected; does she want me to create something with them? Should I just humour her & say “very well done”. She is now slagging the joint off, dismantling it as I type!
Oh yeah, forgot to say, it scary though, “Blair Witch”,” Hills Have Eyes” territory, I hadn’t thought of it until MA brought it up just then, I’ve just turned the computer on to tell you, if you don’t hear from us you’ll know what happened, if they find the laptop that is. I was reading the info/welcome book & it explained what to do if the power went off, imagine it & then make it double bubble. I tried to follow the instructions that she had kindly left for us, you’ve seen “Friday 13th” right? The scene, all scenes in fact where you are thinking “As if they’d do that!” & “As if they’d go into that scary wood shed where that massive axe is stuck in a baby dolls skull”. Well that’s us I’m afraid. I checked out the trip switch which is further from us than the one in San Jose, Ibiza, its a mountain/orienteering climb through the forest & saplings, with a torch if its dark, which, lets face it, it always is dark in the horror movies, about 1km. Don’t worry we’ve seen the film, I’ll be in the corner of a darkened room with no windows to my side or rear, with the bitches & Sam, just waiting with my Global 18 inch cooks knife until the sun comes up. So don’t worry, its all sorted. Fail to prepare is better than preparing to fail!!! Just knock first if you are planning to drop by.
19th August 2007
It’s no use pretending, it’s been pissing down here, still love it though। We had our meal last night, Slack got tired & went to bed early, I was going to watch Syriana, a video with Matt Damon & Gorgeous George Clooney in. I didn’t, I rolled a spliff & listened to Suzanne Vega, who else loves her? I bet she’s a vegan in real life but I’ve always kind of fantasized her as been a bit of a hot chick in the squat/commune/New York loft mould, probably wrong. Most likely got a mortgage & 2 kids living in suburbia. Anyway Ol Slacky got to bed but not in it, she was on top of it so I went into another bedroom with Blossom & Lucy who I’d had to carry up because of the steep, shiny wooden stairs, they slept in my room. I had a very peaceful night but awoke early & did my usual trick of laying there reading a book on Hugh Fearnley Whittingstalls early articles for Mags & Rags etc. I expected Slack to come in with tea & toast. She didn’t. I made my own. Maybe I should have rolled her over & got into bed with her last night?
Anyway, after Lucy in the sky of diamonds, the mad fucker, had spectacularly thrown herself down the stairs, I thought she was dead, I took the family to town. To be continued... the timer is on & the roast chicken is done, time to throw the spuds in.
Back! We walked around the town, booked dinner for two nights, I just know that they are going to be nice venues, even though its drizzling you can just tell. Just about everything was open, it’s a complete town....... except!!!! After a short walk down the estuary I guided us into the much anticipated “Donegal’s”, the seemingly Irish Pub. I’d imagined it was going to be one of those theme pubs with rakes & jugs & crap festooned everywhere, you know the type? Wrong. Even though it quite clearly states & displays a very prominent sign outside, it didn’t have Beamish, there was fuck all Irish about it except for the bare light bulbs & spit & saw dust, “bog Irish” sprang to mind. Maybe it was too authentic for its own good. They had a can of Guinness, but not one of those with the widget inside that makes it taste like draught Guinness. So rather than back out I ordered it, the biggest glass they had was approx half a pint, gay bastards or what? "And a port & lemon for the missus squire". That’s it for me, if I win the lottery it won’t be here that I’m buying, there’s always something. Never mind I’m about to carve my black footed Bretagne Chicken, it’s a little small, I wonder if it’s going to taste better than a South east of England chicken, of course not.
21st August 2007
It’s gone a little tits up since my last update, it turns out that MA was serious when she started slagging off the joint, she just hates it here where as I could live here quite happily one my own for a week & detox with my colonic gadget, it’s the weather I guess which to be honest has been sensationally shit, I’m still OK with it though as I explained earlier.
We’ve tried a few aborted attempts to check out the local talent & attractions, you’ve been to Wales?
It ends with a screeching fit between us, me buying a kilo of Whelks, MA going to bed for the early part of the afternoon, me bolting my Whelks & also going to bed to read. I’ve just caught up on a load of Telegraph’s, Time & Guardians plus the supplements that I simply didn’t have time to do whilst I was intrepidly navigating the boat. I’m sweet to tell the truth.
Last night Slacky went to bed & left me with two succulent duck breasts & some chips cooked in duck fat, fanfuckingtastic. I polished off a relatively OK bottle of Fleurie, usually FAB & watched a Kevin Spacey film called K-PACK, someone must have spiked my duck breast with an E as it was just great, weird!
Today was supposed to be partly cloudy. It was grey with scattered hurricanes; we/I decided to go out to lunch instead of the planned meal in the hotel this evening.
It’s now a fallacy about not being able to get a bad meal in France, they must have been resting on thier laurels over the last 20 years or so, I’ve yet to be truly happy in a French restaurant this trip, give me the UK any day. We are cosmopolitan & open to outside flavours where as the frogs in this area (they are the same in all regions & the Italians) are so insular), I get the impression that they wouldn’t know a good meal it slapped them around the face. Today’s was the icing on the cake; the place was filled to the gunnels with locals at prices that were criminal. I know I slag off Ibiza, its very expensive compared to the mainland but compared this crumby hole its like eating at the “FAT DUCK”. In Ibiza you can have a “Menu del Dia” with three courses i.e. a bottle of wine & a bottle of lemonade to mask the taste or a beer, water etc. A choice of starters, a choice of main course, a choice of dessert, olives & alioli all for the sum of as little as 9 euros per head.
We sat down & waited for 40 minutes for the starter, in this time the locals who arrived after us had eaten both courses & were actually leaving, true to arsey Steve's form I asked for the bill. Just then the frozen scallops & snails arrived; I’d been to the supermarket earlier in the day for light entertainment & bought a dozen frozen snails in their shells with garlic butter & parsley for 2.50 euros. Well you couldn’t fuck that up could you? although it looked like someone had shit on the plate.
For second course MA had ordered something called Bavette from Ireland, I ordered the trusty Steak with a pepper sauce, very fatty but rare as I’d asked, MA’s must have been a new composition invented for industrial use, tyres for a moon buggy on Mercury perhaps?. MA sent it back & that was it really as nothing came back, not even an apology, of course it was all my fault as I happily chomped through mine insisting that MA should help herself to a few of my chips though not too many!
MA complained & they deducted her meal from the bill, she was more upset that she’d not really eaten...... We got back, I read some more & disappeared upstairs for my daily kip, MA made duck sandwiches’! How very original, like a lobster sandwich. She downed going on a bottle of red wine which brings us back up to speed. Of course she’s not hungry now. I have made an extremely “American hot” pizza.
Tonight we intend the watch “Last king of Scotland”, I watched it on the way to Shanghai, but what hell I have to show some willingness to cheer ol’ slacky up.
Maybe tomorrow will be better, I’m actually looking forward to MA’s finger nail appointment in Brest on Thursday, about 2 hrs away! I got a little too excited today as I thought it was for tomorrow. Ibiza, my little house & pool, salad garden etc are starting to seem very attractive, you just don’t know what you’ve got until you’ve lost it? Well I still have it & I’m going to be pleased getting back into my bed with its orthopaedic mattress, air con or not.
23rd August 2007
One more gripe, MA has just discovered how much I have been paying for the Anglais newspapers, approx 30 percent more but a day older than you get on Ibiza. How can this be with modern day technology? I know why. They hate us! You can buy all the Arab newspapers, I checked. The Terrorist Times, The Al Qaeda Weekly with helpful tips on mustard gas & roadside bombs. Why not the English papers. I needed to know how Becks was doing against the Krauts last night.
PS। Don’t visit Brest for the day, it’s like Portsmouth or worse.
jueves, 30 de agosto de 2007
viernes, 17 de agosto de 2007
12th August 2007 (Sunday)
A fantastic nights sleep, I commandeered the front bedroom for myself, someone designed it for two people, hmm. Apparently slack didn’t sleep too well with the three dogs in a tiny twin room, she did have another small double room to choose from right next to mine?
Got up & cycled around to the harbour that we left last night, even that was a killer for a person like me who hasn’t done any exercise for years with the added problem of having about 101 gears to choose from. It’s only when you are doing a bit of exercise that you notice inclines & its very flat around here, it was only 8.45 am & I arrived sweaty with a list of questions, the main one can I have baby Blossom’s allergy injection that was locked in the car, the guy explained that it was a miracle that he was there as he was only on site because of an emergency, Bloss would have scratched herself to death. The compound in which my motor was stored was locked & he didn’t have the key so I had to scale the fence ripping my new extra large, extra white Fred Perry t shirt, as we are on a boat for the next six days without a washer it was a bit of a bummer, especially as its hard to buy clothes in Spain (where I live) where everyone is called Juan & is approx 5 foot & a peanut tall. I left the boat looking like a little boy on the way to his first day at school & arrived back at the boat looking like a captured member of the Colditz escape committee.
Cycled back & noticed people walking along with fresh bread, on a Sunday....get in there my son, I bought a portion of a massive rustic loaf with seeds & stuff in, it’s fab. Had a problem getting back to the boat though one handed with so many bloody gears, I’ve also lost any idea of road sense as well, it must be something you loose when you are continuously cocooned in a car.
When I arrived I discovered that the latest casualty was my Lucy, she had tumbled from the boat whilst disembarking, MA had managed to keep about half of her out of the water because she was still attached to her lead, would you trust this woman with kids? J
We set sail about 10, went through one lock that MA handled very well, I took over now & then, its sooooo pretty, a lot of fat bloated floating fish around though, is this because of the raw sewage? All in all quite a relaxing day except for a load of cocky Spaniards who overtook us dangerously & illegally on the inside to get to a mooring space before us, just typical of the race, everyone had been so polite & gracious up to that point except the tossa on the beach, anyway the macho gits over cooked it & made a right pigs ear of the manoeuvre & knocked the quay & after a few attempts even managed to end up facing the wrong way, we gave them the Maxwell coffee hand gesture & hand claps & decided to carry on, I hope they felt stupid, knowing my luck they’ll catch up with us tonight & I’ll get a kicking!
We arrived at Redon & parked in a restricted area, i.e. someone else parking space, Slack & I exchanged the usual heated pleasantries & eventually a flock of Gallic “Mr hardons” descended to help us (Mary Ann) the bastard harbour master even said that I had a beautiful wife! You can imagine? She’s still smiling 2 hrs later.
Tonight I’m doing my signature dish of chicken breasts stuffed with cheese & nuts, wrapped in a smoke cured ham with a special salad, if we can still stand after the vino we’ll take a stroll for a coffee & brandy in the old town which is supposed to be nice. Tomorrow is market day, just love French markets so we’ll check that out & then be on our way to La Gacilly. Another day, another lock.
16th August 2007
Don’t talk to be about boating. If it’s not a narrow bridge 4 inches wider than the boat it’s a lock, I haven’t been updating you because I simply haven’t had the time, this isn’t a holiday, this is a grind. One day we did about 9 miles I think. It was locks all the way, loads of em. I timed a few; it can take up to 35 – 40 mins to get through one. Let me talk you through it. If the lock is open in your favour its not as bad, but if its not you have to moor on a little rickety pontoon that can take a while especially if its blowy & the back end keeps swinging out. You have to secure the boat, front & back & then just as you have accomplished this the boat coming other way crawls out of the lock. The French lock keepers are not the most dynamic, something to do with being Latin. I could come up with a few modifications, these are medieval locks I think & do not have a bridge from one side of the other so you have to watch this guy/girl (mostly students I think) winding handles & twirling levers, then ambling nonchently (no spell checker for that) around to close another side of the gates, letting out the water, dead fish & turds, open the outward bound gate, walk around again & then open the other side. I mean I can’t think of another action on this planet that is so antiquated & time consuming, move on, please. This was on the canals, well I’m not doing canals again, I’m doing rivers, big & wide with big bridges & no locks.
On the plus side the canal can have fantastic countryside, mile after mile of farmland, on two occasions we had to pull into the bank & put some stakesout to moor for the night, in a cow field. It turns out that Sammy & Lucy just love cow shit, not your normal cow pat but fresh runny shit, they actually love it so much that they slurp it up with relish, it’s not as bad as eating dog shit or human shit but it’s still shit to me!
It’s very beautiful waking up in the country with the cows rubbing their necks on your mooring lines, its silent as the lazy lock keepers keep lazy hours you can’t really go anywhere until 9 am when the locks open, they close again from 12 – 2.00 & again at 7.00 pm. Once you are moored you won’t see a dicky bird. They’ve shot & eaten them all!
We had a day of appalling weather, it rained all night & all day, we stopped in a sad town for provisions, this was quite important as the next day was another bloody festival. We got the hounds together & followed the signs to the town, the god forsaken town, they were still trying to have some kind of party, the music (French) was blaring, there would have been rubbish blowing around in the wind except if was raining so much it was stuck to the floor. It was very depressing & we couldn’t find anything to buy, no one seemed to know where a supermarket was, what happened to the baker, butcher blah, blah thing.
I saw a sign for an out of town Hyper Market, I heroically order MA & the dogs back to the boat. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine”. What a walk, a killer but I got everything I needed though I was tempted to throw some of it over the hedge on the way back to the boat as it got heavier & heavier. I nearly froze to death what with the air con & chill counters. I literally had my pockets full of water & was steaming like a kettle; I was worried they may ask me to leave.
Lucy came a cropper, again. We were tied up in a lock, always a lock.... there was this lovely looking luminous green algae that completely carpeted the surface, it must have looked like a pristine lawn to be shitted on as senile Lucy tried to walk on water, I should have panicked & been upset but it was funny, Slacks bottom lip started to tremble, she was breaking down in front me, get a grip woman. Only Baby Blossom hasn’t fallen in yet, there is still time though.
Since then we have stayed in a little place called Suce, it was free with a proper mooring though we didn’t have power or water, sod all to do because of the holiday.
Today we left on the river, bliss! It’s so wide its like the sea with waves, crazy windsurfers & dinghy’s crisscrossing in front of us, stunning mansions & chateaux’s to the left & right, all way. All with nicely trimmed lawns all the way down to the waters edge with little boat houses & jetties. After an hour or so we arrived in Nantes, it’s a lovely City to arrive in by the river & it looks beautiful from where I am sitting now. We’ve just got back from a recce, trying to find a wi-fi spot as my mobile phone connection/modem isn’t working at the moment. We found out that the only people in this city at the moment are tourists. Aahaa, I hear you say, well it is the tourist season? So why have all the frogs closed up the restaurants’ & shops for August & gone somewhere else? It’s all shut! Tonight I had promised myself a Michelin starred restaurant & it looks like I’m going to get another below average pizza.
To cap it all I splashed out 10 euros for a key to the shower block, I thought it would be nice to have a spacious crap & shower as our shower is so small I have to kneel, it’s like having a piss in a wet suit.
Don’t be so silly! What was I expecting? The toilet had no toilet paper or seat & the showers blasted out water horizontally so that all my clothes that were hanging neatly on the door got a ten second soaking or should I say misting? Why does someone take the time to design a shower block where the water doesn’t actually remotely go in the direction of the shower tray, where you have to keep working the shower controls like a Pavlov experiment. It was impossible to wash off my Aramis shower gel as I needed someone else in the cubicle with me to work the controls, I was busier than Casey Jones. I have now finally come to the conclusion that unless you own Chelsea football club boating is a big chore, it’s like whipping yourself with birch twigs, not really? I’ve just made the mistake of letting MA read this for the first time, she promised not to give me a tongue lashing or even comment on my writing, she’s just had a go at me for been negative, I’m a “half empty guy” & she’s a” half full girl”. You’re right; she is a bit of a saint & don’t deserve her. I’ll let you know about the meal we have tonight later. You may not here from me again for a couple of weeks if my modem is bollocksed, I left my memory card on my car keys, I could buy a disc & I could find an internet cafe but where we are going next is remote. Bon nuit.
PS If I said everything was fluffy beyond belief you find it boring? Please let me have some feed back, por favour!
A fantastic nights sleep, I commandeered the front bedroom for myself, someone designed it for two people, hmm. Apparently slack didn’t sleep too well with the three dogs in a tiny twin room, she did have another small double room to choose from right next to mine?
Got up & cycled around to the harbour that we left last night, even that was a killer for a person like me who hasn’t done any exercise for years with the added problem of having about 101 gears to choose from. It’s only when you are doing a bit of exercise that you notice inclines & its very flat around here, it was only 8.45 am & I arrived sweaty with a list of questions, the main one can I have baby Blossom’s allergy injection that was locked in the car, the guy explained that it was a miracle that he was there as he was only on site because of an emergency, Bloss would have scratched herself to death. The compound in which my motor was stored was locked & he didn’t have the key so I had to scale the fence ripping my new extra large, extra white Fred Perry t shirt, as we are on a boat for the next six days without a washer it was a bit of a bummer, especially as its hard to buy clothes in Spain (where I live) where everyone is called Juan & is approx 5 foot & a peanut tall. I left the boat looking like a little boy on the way to his first day at school & arrived back at the boat looking like a captured member of the Colditz escape committee.
Cycled back & noticed people walking along with fresh bread, on a Sunday....get in there my son, I bought a portion of a massive rustic loaf with seeds & stuff in, it’s fab. Had a problem getting back to the boat though one handed with so many bloody gears, I’ve also lost any idea of road sense as well, it must be something you loose when you are continuously cocooned in a car.
When I arrived I discovered that the latest casualty was my Lucy, she had tumbled from the boat whilst disembarking, MA had managed to keep about half of her out of the water because she was still attached to her lead, would you trust this woman with kids? J
We set sail about 10, went through one lock that MA handled very well, I took over now & then, its sooooo pretty, a lot of fat bloated floating fish around though, is this because of the raw sewage? All in all quite a relaxing day except for a load of cocky Spaniards who overtook us dangerously & illegally on the inside to get to a mooring space before us, just typical of the race, everyone had been so polite & gracious up to that point except the tossa on the beach, anyway the macho gits over cooked it & made a right pigs ear of the manoeuvre & knocked the quay & after a few attempts even managed to end up facing the wrong way, we gave them the Maxwell coffee hand gesture & hand claps & decided to carry on, I hope they felt stupid, knowing my luck they’ll catch up with us tonight & I’ll get a kicking!
We arrived at Redon & parked in a restricted area, i.e. someone else parking space, Slack & I exchanged the usual heated pleasantries & eventually a flock of Gallic “Mr hardons” descended to help us (Mary Ann) the bastard harbour master even said that I had a beautiful wife! You can imagine? She’s still smiling 2 hrs later.
Tonight I’m doing my signature dish of chicken breasts stuffed with cheese & nuts, wrapped in a smoke cured ham with a special salad, if we can still stand after the vino we’ll take a stroll for a coffee & brandy in the old town which is supposed to be nice. Tomorrow is market day, just love French markets so we’ll check that out & then be on our way to La Gacilly. Another day, another lock.
16th August 2007
Don’t talk to be about boating. If it’s not a narrow bridge 4 inches wider than the boat it’s a lock, I haven’t been updating you because I simply haven’t had the time, this isn’t a holiday, this is a grind. One day we did about 9 miles I think. It was locks all the way, loads of em. I timed a few; it can take up to 35 – 40 mins to get through one. Let me talk you through it. If the lock is open in your favour its not as bad, but if its not you have to moor on a little rickety pontoon that can take a while especially if its blowy & the back end keeps swinging out. You have to secure the boat, front & back & then just as you have accomplished this the boat coming other way crawls out of the lock. The French lock keepers are not the most dynamic, something to do with being Latin. I could come up with a few modifications, these are medieval locks I think & do not have a bridge from one side of the other so you have to watch this guy/girl (mostly students I think) winding handles & twirling levers, then ambling nonchently (no spell checker for that) around to close another side of the gates, letting out the water, dead fish & turds, open the outward bound gate, walk around again & then open the other side. I mean I can’t think of another action on this planet that is so antiquated & time consuming, move on, please. This was on the canals, well I’m not doing canals again, I’m doing rivers, big & wide with big bridges & no locks.
On the plus side the canal can have fantastic countryside, mile after mile of farmland, on two occasions we had to pull into the bank & put some stakesout to moor for the night, in a cow field. It turns out that Sammy & Lucy just love cow shit, not your normal cow pat but fresh runny shit, they actually love it so much that they slurp it up with relish, it’s not as bad as eating dog shit or human shit but it’s still shit to me!
It’s very beautiful waking up in the country with the cows rubbing their necks on your mooring lines, its silent as the lazy lock keepers keep lazy hours you can’t really go anywhere until 9 am when the locks open, they close again from 12 – 2.00 & again at 7.00 pm. Once you are moored you won’t see a dicky bird. They’ve shot & eaten them all!
We had a day of appalling weather, it rained all night & all day, we stopped in a sad town for provisions, this was quite important as the next day was another bloody festival. We got the hounds together & followed the signs to the town, the god forsaken town, they were still trying to have some kind of party, the music (French) was blaring, there would have been rubbish blowing around in the wind except if was raining so much it was stuck to the floor. It was very depressing & we couldn’t find anything to buy, no one seemed to know where a supermarket was, what happened to the baker, butcher blah, blah thing.
I saw a sign for an out of town Hyper Market, I heroically order MA & the dogs back to the boat. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine”. What a walk, a killer but I got everything I needed though I was tempted to throw some of it over the hedge on the way back to the boat as it got heavier & heavier. I nearly froze to death what with the air con & chill counters. I literally had my pockets full of water & was steaming like a kettle; I was worried they may ask me to leave.
Lucy came a cropper, again. We were tied up in a lock, always a lock.... there was this lovely looking luminous green algae that completely carpeted the surface, it must have looked like a pristine lawn to be shitted on as senile Lucy tried to walk on water, I should have panicked & been upset but it was funny, Slacks bottom lip started to tremble, she was breaking down in front me, get a grip woman. Only Baby Blossom hasn’t fallen in yet, there is still time though.
Since then we have stayed in a little place called Suce, it was free with a proper mooring though we didn’t have power or water, sod all to do because of the holiday.
Today we left on the river, bliss! It’s so wide its like the sea with waves, crazy windsurfers & dinghy’s crisscrossing in front of us, stunning mansions & chateaux’s to the left & right, all way. All with nicely trimmed lawns all the way down to the waters edge with little boat houses & jetties. After an hour or so we arrived in Nantes, it’s a lovely City to arrive in by the river & it looks beautiful from where I am sitting now. We’ve just got back from a recce, trying to find a wi-fi spot as my mobile phone connection/modem isn’t working at the moment. We found out that the only people in this city at the moment are tourists. Aahaa, I hear you say, well it is the tourist season? So why have all the frogs closed up the restaurants’ & shops for August & gone somewhere else? It’s all shut! Tonight I had promised myself a Michelin starred restaurant & it looks like I’m going to get another below average pizza.
To cap it all I splashed out 10 euros for a key to the shower block, I thought it would be nice to have a spacious crap & shower as our shower is so small I have to kneel, it’s like having a piss in a wet suit.
Don’t be so silly! What was I expecting? The toilet had no toilet paper or seat & the showers blasted out water horizontally so that all my clothes that were hanging neatly on the door got a ten second soaking or should I say misting? Why does someone take the time to design a shower block where the water doesn’t actually remotely go in the direction of the shower tray, where you have to keep working the shower controls like a Pavlov experiment. It was impossible to wash off my Aramis shower gel as I needed someone else in the cubicle with me to work the controls, I was busier than Casey Jones. I have now finally come to the conclusion that unless you own Chelsea football club boating is a big chore, it’s like whipping yourself with birch twigs, not really? I’ve just made the mistake of letting MA read this for the first time, she promised not to give me a tongue lashing or even comment on my writing, she’s just had a go at me for been negative, I’m a “half empty guy” & she’s a” half full girl”. You’re right; she is a bit of a saint & don’t deserve her. I’ll let you know about the meal we have tonight later. You may not here from me again for a couple of weeks if my modem is bollocksed, I left my memory card on my car keys, I could buy a disc & I could find an internet cafe but where we are going next is remote. Bon nuit.
PS If I said everything was fluffy beyond belief you find it boring? Please let me have some feed back, por favour!
sábado, 11 de agosto de 2007
9th September 2007
Slowly getting into the swing of this leisure thing, it’s been so relaxing that I don’t really have a lot to report back about, we’ve been to the nearest major town Concarneau which I guess means “with meat”? Similar to Spanish? Doesn’t really make sense though as its a fishing town & meat seems to be very poor & expensive in France (just bought a rib of beef for my supper & it cost 15 euros! & it looks flabby, like me).
We traipsed around the old town, very touristy, all selling the same old bollocks really, the highlight & I have to say you’d never get away this in the UK was watching a “weird beard” set up his domestic pet circus, I can’t tell you what they did as we didn’t have time to hang around। I say domestic but there was a dirty goat in there & a goose, judging by the posters the animals cycle around on miniature bicycles, how French! No doubt with a string of onions around their नेच्क्स.
We continued just exploring really & found a little cove/village that grows oysters & other crustaceans, we had to do one of MA’s/Slacks forced marches to earn the right to eat, Lucy my favourite dog decided to protest halfway around the coastal walk, I have to tell you now that some of you are saying that I am a little on the Victor Meldrew side, well I’m not really, the countryside here is so absolutely beautiful, but Lucy & I, she’s my dog, have had enough of all these forced marches। Afterwards MA rewarded us with Moule Frits & a bottle of Muscadet. Later we went to bed & watched a movie starring Mark Walhberg & Danny Glove caller Shooter, I’d recommend it, it’s about CIA snipers blah blah.
Today, the 9th we had a total day on the beach after having an early morning wake up call by my bladder at 6.50 am, I tried to go back to sleep but MA made me tea & toast with Nutella on, my new fave. I then dropped off again until 9.30am. Shower, shit & a shave. Made some Scooby sandwiches & off to the beach! Tahiti beach, funny name for France. A massive expanse of open unspoilt sand & rocks..... at first.
We settled down with our new parasol, cold box, blankets, ground sheet etc & ate all the food by ११30, I polished off the chilled bottle of Muscadet by 12।30, feeling decidedly mellow I settled down to read the Daily Telegraph (I am going to read the Times only on a Sunday now & the Mail on Tues & Fri when Littlejohn is writing)।
Sacre bleu!!! Some tossa of a frog has just had a screeching fit, Blossom, my 37cm long dog has just gone over to greet the “sitting on the fence, shoulder shrugging, cheese eating surrender monkey”. She must have savaged a newly born baby or at the very least nicked his cheese? It’s all going off, I politely said “Simmer down sil vou plait or however you say it, followed up by a “piss off”. Mary Ann joined the fray, Mr Froggy was in a purple rage by now & spoke good English, I’d have expected him to be fluent in German, anyway he ranted to MA about the dogs on the beach, this was a dog friendly beach & MA pointed this out to him, what was the problem? Apparently Blossom went over to greet them & stood on his “carpet”, bolstered by my bottle of Muscadet we belittled him, “shame you didn’t kick up such a fuss when the Germans were marching though your village” blah, blah, little Napoleon.
His wife & family seemed embarrassed & all moved away from him, not from our baby Bloss!
Ha! Woke up at five dribbling into the sand with about 1000 people playing “we’re all going on a summer holiday games”, time for home. Funny how time flies? We have one more day here, bring on the Barge!! That’s going to be a big responsibility for Slack.
11th August 2007
The Barge!!! We’re on it! It’s all very involved but you’d have to ask my wife as I am having absolutely nothing to do with except tying ropes & ducking & sucking in my breath when we brush too closely to bridges & banks. I did a massive shop, same problem with the meat counter so we’ll be eating mainly quiches & salads & poultry this week. Whilst I was shopping MA was put through her paces, you really do have to be a bit intelligent to sail one of these things, I’m too interested in the contents of the twin fridge & wine to be able to take in too much. We hire some bikes to take along with us, I look like a performing bear in the circus on mine, just a pair of wheels showing beneath me.
Even though we have the biggest boat on the river, really, it sleeps 8 & has two bathrooms & WC’s it seems so bloody small & inadequate, it hasn’t even got a flushing toilet, you have to pump it by hand & I can tell that I’m gonna be doing a hell of a lot of pumping, the waste goes straight into the river instead of into a holding tank, I think that’s disgraceful, I won’t be eating sweet corn this week, not unless we are out & moving along anyway!
So we did a practice run, the dogs were all panting & panicking but I had faith in my wife, she seems to be a natural, the instructor says that he will come with us to the first lock which is kind of him or maybe that’s what he’s paid to do? As we go through & we are two metres down inside Sammy, who else, falls into boiling maelstrom, F॥cking typical, it’s a miracle, I mean a miracle he wasn’t crushed to death, I had to laugh though, funny thing was though that MA had taken the life jacket off of Sam & given it to Baby Bloss to wear, Sammy has street & boat cred you see। So that was enough for today, MA’s shot to bits, we’ve travelled I’d say 800 metres? We’ve tied up outside a Bar Restaurant; I can’t be assed to cook so we are going to eat out। Watch this space!
Slowly getting into the swing of this leisure thing, it’s been so relaxing that I don’t really have a lot to report back about, we’ve been to the nearest major town Concarneau which I guess means “with meat”? Similar to Spanish? Doesn’t really make sense though as its a fishing town & meat seems to be very poor & expensive in France (just bought a rib of beef for my supper & it cost 15 euros! & it looks flabby, like me).
We traipsed around the old town, very touristy, all selling the same old bollocks really, the highlight & I have to say you’d never get away this in the UK was watching a “weird beard” set up his domestic pet circus, I can’t tell you what they did as we didn’t have time to hang around। I say domestic but there was a dirty goat in there & a goose, judging by the posters the animals cycle around on miniature bicycles, how French! No doubt with a string of onions around their नेच्क्स.
We continued just exploring really & found a little cove/village that grows oysters & other crustaceans, we had to do one of MA’s/Slacks forced marches to earn the right to eat, Lucy my favourite dog decided to protest halfway around the coastal walk, I have to tell you now that some of you are saying that I am a little on the Victor Meldrew side, well I’m not really, the countryside here is so absolutely beautiful, but Lucy & I, she’s my dog, have had enough of all these forced marches। Afterwards MA rewarded us with Moule Frits & a bottle of Muscadet. Later we went to bed & watched a movie starring Mark Walhberg & Danny Glove caller Shooter, I’d recommend it, it’s about CIA snipers blah blah.
Today, the 9th we had a total day on the beach after having an early morning wake up call by my bladder at 6.50 am, I tried to go back to sleep but MA made me tea & toast with Nutella on, my new fave. I then dropped off again until 9.30am. Shower, shit & a shave. Made some Scooby sandwiches & off to the beach! Tahiti beach, funny name for France. A massive expanse of open unspoilt sand & rocks..... at first.
We settled down with our new parasol, cold box, blankets, ground sheet etc & ate all the food by ११30, I polished off the chilled bottle of Muscadet by 12।30, feeling decidedly mellow I settled down to read the Daily Telegraph (I am going to read the Times only on a Sunday now & the Mail on Tues & Fri when Littlejohn is writing)।
Sacre bleu!!! Some tossa of a frog has just had a screeching fit, Blossom, my 37cm long dog has just gone over to greet the “sitting on the fence, shoulder shrugging, cheese eating surrender monkey”. She must have savaged a newly born baby or at the very least nicked his cheese? It’s all going off, I politely said “Simmer down sil vou plait or however you say it, followed up by a “piss off”. Mary Ann joined the fray, Mr Froggy was in a purple rage by now & spoke good English, I’d have expected him to be fluent in German, anyway he ranted to MA about the dogs on the beach, this was a dog friendly beach & MA pointed this out to him, what was the problem? Apparently Blossom went over to greet them & stood on his “carpet”, bolstered by my bottle of Muscadet we belittled him, “shame you didn’t kick up such a fuss when the Germans were marching though your village” blah, blah, little Napoleon.
His wife & family seemed embarrassed & all moved away from him, not from our baby Bloss!
Ha! Woke up at five dribbling into the sand with about 1000 people playing “we’re all going on a summer holiday games”, time for home. Funny how time flies? We have one more day here, bring on the Barge!! That’s going to be a big responsibility for Slack.
11th August 2007
The Barge!!! We’re on it! It’s all very involved but you’d have to ask my wife as I am having absolutely nothing to do with except tying ropes & ducking & sucking in my breath when we brush too closely to bridges & banks. I did a massive shop, same problem with the meat counter so we’ll be eating mainly quiches & salads & poultry this week. Whilst I was shopping MA was put through her paces, you really do have to be a bit intelligent to sail one of these things, I’m too interested in the contents of the twin fridge & wine to be able to take in too much. We hire some bikes to take along with us, I look like a performing bear in the circus on mine, just a pair of wheels showing beneath me.
Even though we have the biggest boat on the river, really, it sleeps 8 & has two bathrooms & WC’s it seems so bloody small & inadequate, it hasn’t even got a flushing toilet, you have to pump it by hand & I can tell that I’m gonna be doing a hell of a lot of pumping, the waste goes straight into the river instead of into a holding tank, I think that’s disgraceful, I won’t be eating sweet corn this week, not unless we are out & moving along anyway!
So we did a practice run, the dogs were all panting & panicking but I had faith in my wife, she seems to be a natural, the instructor says that he will come with us to the first lock which is kind of him or maybe that’s what he’s paid to do? As we go through & we are two metres down inside Sammy, who else, falls into boiling maelstrom, F॥cking typical, it’s a miracle, I mean a miracle he wasn’t crushed to death, I had to laugh though, funny thing was though that MA had taken the life jacket off of Sam & given it to Baby Bloss to wear, Sammy has street & boat cred you see। So that was enough for today, MA’s shot to bits, we’ve travelled I’d say 800 metres? We’ve tied up outside a Bar Restaurant; I can’t be assed to cook so we are going to eat out। Watch this space!
lunes, 6 de agosto de 2007
2nd August 2007
Action replay, exactly the same as four weeks ago except less bitching between myself & slack, same croissant & butter on the boat, the ferry took longer & Sammy shit in his little cage in the hold, a runny one that he trod around a bit, luckily he didn’t get it all over his new fabric dog basket. A minor miracle occurred on the crossing; God contacted Slack via a video that was showing, funny really as she had just been slagging him off! & the vicar.
This time we went straight past my sister’s & on to a pretty little town on the River Tarn called Moissac, my wife (so formal), found a little B&B on a hill with a pool & very simple rooms, I had my doubts as there was no air con & it was very basic, as it happens it turned out to be a little gem. As usual we lied about the amount of dogs we had, luckily Lucy had remembered to pack her “Wizards Cloak” that turns her into a stealth dog, enabling her to slip under the radar. The weather was a lot cooler than Ibiza, we sat on the terrace & had dinner from a simple but very well executed menu, I had a terrine of salmon & salad, confit de carnard & perfect pomme frits followed with a small selection of cheeses, Slack had a vegetable tart & salad & the confit, all washed down with a very agreeable & well priced Red Buzet, all this & a perfect smog free sunset followed with a stiff brandy. B&B, dinner, dog surcharge, brandy & brekkie for a shade over one hundred euros!
3rd August 2007
Up with the lark, didn’t want to, Sammy just decided that it was time to jump on my face, Slack took the dogs for a walk in her pyjamas while the sun was rising & claimed to have been confronted by three deer! Breakfast & off.
We decided that we’d do Bordeaux, now that is a beautiful town, a perfect town or is it a city? If I am lucky enough to win some money I’ll buy a place on the outskirts. Unfortunately for me though it’s the shoe shop capital of the world so we didn’t get to do a lot other than study shoes. I treated myself to some sandals & a pair of cool Oakley sunglasses.
We stumbled across a tea room called Chris’s Tea, we didn’t have tea though, we had coffee instead with chocolate cakes, my was just sinful really, it was so chocolately, Slacks was almost the same but with fresh raspberries on top, all a snip at twenty one bloody euros, incredible though.
We left & preceded in the direction of Brittany & stopped in Blaye, a part of the estuary & lolled around for a while, Sammy, yes Sammy again, jumped into the knee deep mud in the estuary & cheered us up no end.
I’m not sure but I think the chocolate cake had affected me in some way as I was a little despondent & didn’t really enjoy the rest of the drive to the shit hole we are now sitting in, its the kind of place that shower curtain ring salesmen stay, a real cruddy hole, we smuggled the dogs up the fire escape in the hope that we can avoid the supplement, its more expensive than last night, depressing. So we will go out tonight for some quality food, I couldn’t eat here, it doesn’t even have a shower curtain so it must be where the useless salesman stay. It’s hard for us to think that we only left Ibiza yesterday morning, I can’t wait for us to check into our cottage tomorrow evening & be able to cook some honest food.
We found a lovely restaurant down on the river, the salad of pate de foi gras, goose gizzards & duck breast wasn’t the freshest but was OK, the service was Ibiza, nuff said, no tip though I could think of a few.
6th August 2007
Well, we got here through nightmare traffic, it’s the first weekend of August & all the Frogs are off on their holidays, like us, typical!
We got here 40 minutes too early & were practically greeted with “You’re early you c**ts”, so we did an about turn & went to find a supermarket, we did but I think it may have been a Pikey one as it was kaka.
Got back to the cottage one & a half hours later to find the owner who had had 6 hours to clean the cottage & mow the grass roaring around us on a sit on lawnmower, in big circles actually around us, do you believe me when I say that he was smiling, like a someone who has been sectioned, he must have got it for his birthday, a boys toy? Twat! This went on for an hour.......
We unpacked, the cottage is sweet, with a thatched roof but it is so badly equipped, I travel with a small hand luggage suitcase that holds all my knives, cling film, foil, herbs & other gadgets as I realise that things are not going to be like back home, but this is a joke, not even a cutting knife. It’s lucky MA’s sister & kids didn’t come as this is sold as within walking distance to the beach (if you like yomping) & sleeping six, anyway ol slacky is putting together a list to complain about, typical of the Taylors. Oh, they wanted extra for towels & tea towels, fucking liberty!!!;)
Yesterday we went to the beach, it was the worst thing that I’ve done this year, that’s it really. I imagined it would be wild desolate beaches as far as the eye could see, instead its camper van & tenty types with kids.
On the bright side it’s cool.
Next (after an hour on the beach) we stumbled, I say stumbled, into a town festival. You sometimes stumble across a bargain or stumble upon an amazing piece of luck. This was more stumbling into a minefield. Now OK, I know that I’m a miserable motherf**ker but if my child wanted to be a Morris dancer I’d have to give him a good shake or a slap on the back of the legs. Basically this is what awaited us, hundreds of people dressed in ancient Bretagne wear, not good looking people, as usual, its always the ugly ones, the type that push a bed through the high street wearing a red nose, you know the type? It’s their pathetic 15 minutes or seconds of attention. We live on Ibiza & it’s the same kind of thing, it just goes right over my head. If the English were to do this kind of thing we’d be labelled nationalists, just hoisting the St George Flag is asking for trouble, if the Scots or Irish or Bretagne’s or anyone else does it its romantic & quaint. To top it all there was an enormous 50’s dodge pick up truck with what sounded like a Citroen Diane engine inside, it was carrying a load of “good ol boys” in cowboy wear, it was hard to tell if they were part of the celebrations or whether it was just the latest fashion in “Hicksville”,the number plate on the Dodge?, get this, TEXAS – WHITE POWER. Nice.
Well if you like bag pipes (can’t they learn a guitar?) & tunes that sound the same as the last 15 tunes then this is the place for you, by sheer bad luck MA seemed to think it was FAB, I’m not sure if she was doing it to me on purpose though. Good luck to them, I didn’t see a single place selling cous cous!
Today (6th) I delivered MA to a little port at 8am for a sailing lesson, that’s nice. They wouldn’t let Sam (our dog) on even though he was kitted out in his designer life jacket. So she’s out sailing. I’ve just bought a beach umbrella (tourist), been to the car wash (mundane), the supermarket (not the pikey one) & made a salmon quiche for tonight (what else?). I’m about to go back to the port to collect slack & whisk her off for lunch, I fancy oysters, after that I’d like to slumber but I bet she’s got some fluffy plan up her sleeve.
4.5hrs later.............
Oooooooo la la! How great was that? A dozen oysters & a lobster in a mild but classy creamy sauce with the best rustic chips in the world. We skipped the desert as it would have been a disgrace. We had a bottle of Muscadet, the best I’ve ever had. I felt ready for a well earned doze when MA slipped the surprise plan out of her sleeve, let’s go & walk it off!? No. I’m going to have a doze, & I did, with Lucy.
Mary Ann has decided that she must have a holiday home here, oh & a holiday boat, like you do. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for her. I must admit that we’d not have got that meal or the service in Ibiza during August, the food was so fresh, even the bread was historic, little nuts in it served with a bright yellow salted butter, now that’s not typically French is it. The service was brisk but relaxed, no “chilled asshole music” blaring, no “wannabe’s” on holiday trying to “release” themselves, just normal people having a nice time in a splendid setting. Have a look for yourselves.
MA’s just got back from walking the dogs, the beach IS less than a mile away, I just hope she didn’t fire off the complaint to the letting agency!
Action replay, exactly the same as four weeks ago except less bitching between myself & slack, same croissant & butter on the boat, the ferry took longer & Sammy shit in his little cage in the hold, a runny one that he trod around a bit, luckily he didn’t get it all over his new fabric dog basket. A minor miracle occurred on the crossing; God contacted Slack via a video that was showing, funny really as she had just been slagging him off! & the vicar.
This time we went straight past my sister’s & on to a pretty little town on the River Tarn called Moissac, my wife (so formal), found a little B&B on a hill with a pool & very simple rooms, I had my doubts as there was no air con & it was very basic, as it happens it turned out to be a little gem. As usual we lied about the amount of dogs we had, luckily Lucy had remembered to pack her “Wizards Cloak” that turns her into a stealth dog, enabling her to slip under the radar. The weather was a lot cooler than Ibiza, we sat on the terrace & had dinner from a simple but very well executed menu, I had a terrine of salmon & salad, confit de carnard & perfect pomme frits followed with a small selection of cheeses, Slack had a vegetable tart & salad & the confit, all washed down with a very agreeable & well priced Red Buzet, all this & a perfect smog free sunset followed with a stiff brandy. B&B, dinner, dog surcharge, brandy & brekkie for a shade over one hundred euros!
3rd August 2007
Up with the lark, didn’t want to, Sammy just decided that it was time to jump on my face, Slack took the dogs for a walk in her pyjamas while the sun was rising & claimed to have been confronted by three deer! Breakfast & off.
We decided that we’d do Bordeaux, now that is a beautiful town, a perfect town or is it a city? If I am lucky enough to win some money I’ll buy a place on the outskirts. Unfortunately for me though it’s the shoe shop capital of the world so we didn’t get to do a lot other than study shoes. I treated myself to some sandals & a pair of cool Oakley sunglasses.
We stumbled across a tea room called Chris’s Tea, we didn’t have tea though, we had coffee instead with chocolate cakes, my was just sinful really, it was so chocolately, Slacks was almost the same but with fresh raspberries on top, all a snip at twenty one bloody euros, incredible though.
We left & preceded in the direction of Brittany & stopped in Blaye, a part of the estuary & lolled around for a while, Sammy, yes Sammy again, jumped into the knee deep mud in the estuary & cheered us up no end.
I’m not sure but I think the chocolate cake had affected me in some way as I was a little despondent & didn’t really enjoy the rest of the drive to the shit hole we are now sitting in, its the kind of place that shower curtain ring salesmen stay, a real cruddy hole, we smuggled the dogs up the fire escape in the hope that we can avoid the supplement, its more expensive than last night, depressing. So we will go out tonight for some quality food, I couldn’t eat here, it doesn’t even have a shower curtain so it must be where the useless salesman stay. It’s hard for us to think that we only left Ibiza yesterday morning, I can’t wait for us to check into our cottage tomorrow evening & be able to cook some honest food.
We found a lovely restaurant down on the river, the salad of pate de foi gras, goose gizzards & duck breast wasn’t the freshest but was OK, the service was Ibiza, nuff said, no tip though I could think of a few.
6th August 2007
Well, we got here through nightmare traffic, it’s the first weekend of August & all the Frogs are off on their holidays, like us, typical!
We got here 40 minutes too early & were practically greeted with “You’re early you c**ts”, so we did an about turn & went to find a supermarket, we did but I think it may have been a Pikey one as it was kaka.
Got back to the cottage one & a half hours later to find the owner who had had 6 hours to clean the cottage & mow the grass roaring around us on a sit on lawnmower, in big circles actually around us, do you believe me when I say that he was smiling, like a someone who has been sectioned, he must have got it for his birthday, a boys toy? Twat! This went on for an hour.......
We unpacked, the cottage is sweet, with a thatched roof but it is so badly equipped, I travel with a small hand luggage suitcase that holds all my knives, cling film, foil, herbs & other gadgets as I realise that things are not going to be like back home, but this is a joke, not even a cutting knife. It’s lucky MA’s sister & kids didn’t come as this is sold as within walking distance to the beach (if you like yomping) & sleeping six, anyway ol slacky is putting together a list to complain about, typical of the Taylors. Oh, they wanted extra for towels & tea towels, fucking liberty!!!;)
Yesterday we went to the beach, it was the worst thing that I’ve done this year, that’s it really. I imagined it would be wild desolate beaches as far as the eye could see, instead its camper van & tenty types with kids.
On the bright side it’s cool.
Next (after an hour on the beach) we stumbled, I say stumbled, into a town festival. You sometimes stumble across a bargain or stumble upon an amazing piece of luck. This was more stumbling into a minefield. Now OK, I know that I’m a miserable motherf**ker but if my child wanted to be a Morris dancer I’d have to give him a good shake or a slap on the back of the legs. Basically this is what awaited us, hundreds of people dressed in ancient Bretagne wear, not good looking people, as usual, its always the ugly ones, the type that push a bed through the high street wearing a red nose, you know the type? It’s their pathetic 15 minutes or seconds of attention. We live on Ibiza & it’s the same kind of thing, it just goes right over my head. If the English were to do this kind of thing we’d be labelled nationalists, just hoisting the St George Flag is asking for trouble, if the Scots or Irish or Bretagne’s or anyone else does it its romantic & quaint. To top it all there was an enormous 50’s dodge pick up truck with what sounded like a Citroen Diane engine inside, it was carrying a load of “good ol boys” in cowboy wear, it was hard to tell if they were part of the celebrations or whether it was just the latest fashion in “Hicksville”,the number plate on the Dodge?, get this, TEXAS – WHITE POWER. Nice.
Well if you like bag pipes (can’t they learn a guitar?) & tunes that sound the same as the last 15 tunes then this is the place for you, by sheer bad luck MA seemed to think it was FAB, I’m not sure if she was doing it to me on purpose though. Good luck to them, I didn’t see a single place selling cous cous!
Today (6th) I delivered MA to a little port at 8am for a sailing lesson, that’s nice. They wouldn’t let Sam (our dog) on even though he was kitted out in his designer life jacket. So she’s out sailing. I’ve just bought a beach umbrella (tourist), been to the car wash (mundane), the supermarket (not the pikey one) & made a salmon quiche for tonight (what else?). I’m about to go back to the port to collect slack & whisk her off for lunch, I fancy oysters, after that I’d like to slumber but I bet she’s got some fluffy plan up her sleeve.
4.5hrs later.............
Oooooooo la la! How great was that? A dozen oysters & a lobster in a mild but classy creamy sauce with the best rustic chips in the world. We skipped the desert as it would have been a disgrace. We had a bottle of Muscadet, the best I’ve ever had. I felt ready for a well earned doze when MA slipped the surprise plan out of her sleeve, let’s go & walk it off!? No. I’m going to have a doze, & I did, with Lucy.
Mary Ann has decided that she must have a holiday home here, oh & a holiday boat, like you do. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for her. I must admit that we’d not have got that meal or the service in Ibiza during August, the food was so fresh, even the bread was historic, little nuts in it served with a bright yellow salted butter, now that’s not typically French is it. The service was brisk but relaxed, no “chilled asshole music” blaring, no “wannabe’s” on holiday trying to “release” themselves, just normal people having a nice time in a splendid setting. Have a look for yourselves.
MA’s just got back from walking the dogs, the beach IS less than a mile away, I just hope she didn’t fire off the complaint to the letting agency!
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